30 Things Not To Say

30 Things a Woodworker Should Never Say to a Client

1. It was fine when I left.
2. I’m cheaper than IKEA.
3. Nobody will notice that.
4. Sure, we’ll do free installation.
5. I forgot to put screws up there.
6. No, seriously, what do you want?
7. Oh, did you want it assembled too?
8. I offer cheap, good and fast. Pick 2.
9. Feel free to borrow any of my tools.
10. Where should I throw my beer cans?
11. Looks good to me; everyone else likes it.
12. That will probably work.  Yeah, I think so.
13. You can save some money if you help me.
14. Are you the grandfather or grandmother?
15. I took the liberty of making a couple changes.
16. You painted the curly maple hutch what color?
17. I can build that. But why would you want me to?
18. Um, apparently it won’t fit through your doorways.
19. Well, all the furniture you’ve already got is rubbish.
20. Once the humidity goes down, I’m sure it will be fine.
21. I’ve never done this before.  Wow – and I’m getting paid too!
22. I don’t bother with all that FSC and chain of custody rubbish.
23. I am sorry I got angry.  A doctor should be able to remove that.
24. There’s only one place to get Home Depot prices… And it’s not here.
25. This is my absolute best work… except for that.  And that over there.
26. I didn’t really mean to say you are a fool.  I have Tourette’s syndrome.
27. You have got a Ford Escort budget to go with those Rolls Royce tastes.
28. What’s my guarantee?  50/50 – 50 feet or 50 seconds, whichever comes first.
29. You are not the most difficult client I have ever had. But he is recovering well.
30. I could design the piece for you, but wouldn’t you be better off hiring an interior decorator?

Compiled from Fine Woodworking’s forum, “Knots” and edited by Chris Wong