Make a Monstrous Mallet

Part of my work as a seminar presenter at Lee Valley Tools Ltd. is to develop new seminar ideas. In the soon-to-be-released January to April 2015 season of seminars, I am teaching four seminars, three of which are brand new. This one didn’t make the cut.

Make a Monstrous Mallet

Are you currently considering clobbering your crappy computer? Then, you need a Monstrous Mallet! Alongside Chris Wong, you will have the opportunity to use solid construction techniques to make a Monstrous Mallet. Made of solid hardwood, the hooped hornbeam head is heavy enough to flatten a Fiat or smoosh a Smart Car. Choose the standard-length handle which provides formidable flattening force or opt for the oversized handle for peerless pancaking prowess. Students must sign a wavier acknowledging that neither Chris Wong nor Lee Valley Tools Ltd. is responsible for any damage caused as a result of owning a Monstrous Mallet.

Note: these descriptions did not make the final cut: “ample annihilation ability”, supreme smashing swagger”, “puddin’-pounding perfection”, “peerless pancaking proficiency”, “a doubly disfiguring disposition”, “enviable elongating expertise”, “marvellous misshaping mayhem”, “covetable crushing capability” and “magnificent mashing mastery”.

A, um…, related video segment:


6 thoughts on “Make a Monstrous Mallet

  1. From the class description I thought you were teaching Mjölnir making, but thankfully you included the video, and now I see that this is a joinery aid. I’m sorry that those heavy handed folks at LV axed this class, because it would’ve been a smashing success. Thanks for the laugh this morning!

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